(I originally posted this on April 27th, 2004. Charlie was looking through some archives of one of my old sites. I started doing the same and came across this blog. Since I haven't posted much here lately, I thought it would be good to post.)
Do you ever wonder exactly how big a decision has to be before it is life-changing? I've read about the chaos theory and the butterfly effect a little, and I am inclined to believe them. If it is true, then we have no idea how the little decisions we make every day will affect our lives in the future.
My cousin Mark is 25, the same age as me. When we were 8 we obviously had our differences, but we were both kids. We both went sledding when it snowed. We both rode that peddle-car around my grandma's basement for hours at a time. We both played with lincoln-logs. Today I helped people at the hospital I work for. Today he died of a drug overdose.
I don't believe for a moment that it was on purpose. Mark was a wonderful person; always happy and making others happy. He had just made some poor decisions. Those decisions are what interest me. Which decisions cause this drastic difference in outcomes? Is it when you first decide to try cocaine? Is it when you decide to smoke that first joint? Is it when you decide to sit next to the guy in highschool that smokes pot just to be closer to that cheerleader? Is it in junior high when you decide to hide that adult magazine under your mattress so your mom won't find it when she cleans your room? Is it in gradeschool when your mom tells you to clean your room and you don't?
When is it? When does a person decide to die from a drug overdose?
My cousin Mark is 25, the same age as me. When we were 8 we obviously had our differences, but we were both kids. We both went sledding when it snowed. We both rode that peddle-car around my grandma's basement for hours at a time. We both played with lincoln-logs. Today I helped people at the hospital I work for. Today he died of a drug overdose.
I don't believe for a moment that it was on purpose. Mark was a wonderful person; always happy and making others happy. He had just made some poor decisions. Those decisions are what interest me. Which decisions cause this drastic difference in outcomes? Is it when you first decide to try cocaine? Is it when you decide to smoke that first joint? Is it when you decide to sit next to the guy in highschool that smokes pot just to be closer to that cheerleader? Is it in junior high when you decide to hide that adult magazine under your mattress so your mom won't find it when she cleans your room? Is it in gradeschool when your mom tells you to clean your room and you don't?
When is it? When does a person decide to die from a drug overdose?
I would say when you decide to try cocaine. Well of course not everyone who tries it becomes an addict, but you must be in a defective mental state to even consider trying something like that.
ReplyDelete"When does a person decide to die from a drug overdose?"
ReplyDeletewhen the person feels as if they are an empty shell of a human being. when the only emotion they feel is sadness. it stems from the depression of past decisions that have permanently affected your life. as in when you decide to let your gpa drop because you're having a damn good time only to realize now your dreams are no longer possible. even if it wasn't intentional, he was in a lot of pain and now he's hopefully in a better place.
I would say it's when a person decides to accept the (false) belief that they are somehow disconnected from other people. When we first think, "I'm separate. I'm removed.. I'm alone." I wouldn't willingly leave this world if I believed I had a connection to someone here, and in my opinion, overdosing on drugs would fall under 'willingly'. Putting the drug in your body is a choice. It might be a very difficult choice to -not- put it into your body, but it's a choice none-the-less.
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