Hollowood, Shallowfornia

It's so frustrating. Can I blame hollywood? Am I just shallow, by my own fault? Some people are happy driving an ugly car, as long as it runs good. Some people are content living in a run-down house, as long as it keeps them warm. Once in a while, you see an ugly couple and you can tell they are truly happy. Why are my standards so high? I don't think I deserve anything any more than anyone else has, but still, when I see a cute girl I literally can't help but think "Why can't I have someone like that"? And it's not that beauty is the only thing I'm looking for, I want the whole package. Why do I (feel like I) require perfection? Why can't I just settle for a sweet, funny, smart girl that is by no means ugly, but I'm just not attracted to? And you know, I honestly believe that if I put effort into it, I could find that perfect girl. The twisted part is that I know I would constantly wonder why she didn't keep looking until she found that perfect guy too... I mean, I don't have poor self-esteem or anything, but I'm also not retarded. I'm not the best looking guy in the world.

But you know, I watch TV... and I watch for things that most people probably do not. I see it. I see the fat guys, the loser guys, the weird guys, I see them with the attractive girls. Does hollywood think it's really like it used to be? (I should point out, I'm talking about TV, not movies... perhaps referring to hollywood is misleading. Nobody in the movies is real.) Do they really think beautiful women still choose men based on who they think would be a good husband and a good father to their kids? In the real world, you see who the cute girls are really with. Bastards. It must be extremely difficult being a beautiful lady, and I'm not being sarcastic. On the one hand you have hollywood telling you to settle for the smart guy that makes good money, even if he's not great looking. Then on the other hand, you have society and hormones and whatever else, pressuring you to find someone equally as beautiful as you, even though you must know that he is going to be a completely unreliable, unobservant, insincere and unbelievable jerk.

So back to us mediocre guys and TV and false hope... On some level it does make me feel better that I see Doug Heffernan, from King of Queens with that cutie Carrie. But on another level it makes me sad for all the women watching... but maybe the problem is I'm assuming everyone is as shallow as me. Maybe there are some wonderful and gorgeous girls that don't need Brad Pitt's looks to fall in love. Maybe if you spend enough time around someone you stop seeing their physical flaws. Maybe I should stop being an idiot and just get out there and play the numbers. You don't go to Vegas and expect to win the first time you pull the lever. Why should I expect the first girl to be the emotional, intellectual and physical Jackpot I'm looking for? Sometimes even poor people win the lottery.

In many societies in the world arranged marriages are still acceptable. I believe even in Japan today, they are still trying to get used to men and women meeting, falling in love, and getting married without any basis on family, fortune or farmland... In some cultures, especially in the past, the men just choose who they want and the women have to live with it. I sometimes find myself wondering what that would have been like. My conclusion is always the same... I wouldn't be able to do it. To me, loving someone means that you want them to be happy above all else. I would never want a woman that was only with me because my family or I said that was the way it was going to be... but sometimes I'm selfish enough to wish that's the way it still was. There is a part of me that thinks I could make her love me.

Love is odd. It is more strange, more diverse and more confusing than this blog entry. Desire is consistent. "Chemistry" is unpredictable. Hopefully some day they will all align. But, if not, complacency is possible.