Sibilant Engorgement

A Happy Poem

2010-07-27T07:21:00.001+12:00

A happy poem is not unlike
riding an airplane or flying a bike.
The juxtaposition of good mood and verse
is much like a dead man driving a hearse.

A happy poem is extremely rare
like being mauled by a possum or running over a bear
A positive attitude written in rhyme
is much like Lincoln on the head of a dime.

A happy poem may just seem dumb
and make you feel like your eyes have gone numb
A happy poem may make your brain buzz
but sometimes that's just what happiness does.

Trucks In My Shower

2010-07-22T03:23:00.003+12:00

(A strange but true poem by me)

I hear trucks in my shower. I hear them every day.
They sound like really big trucks. I wish they'd go away.
I hear them backing up. I hear them changing gears.
I thought it was construction but I've heard them for three years.
The revving of the motor. The shaking of the ground.
I feel the trucks around me. I don't just hear their sound.
I don't hear them in the kitchen. I don't hear them in my bed.
Are there trucks in my shower or are they in my head?

Influence of mood

2010-01-26T09:51:00.001+12:00

Don't let others influence your mood and don't let your mood control you.
Control your mood and let it influence others.

This thought is a work in progress...

Loneliest When

2009-07-25T15:59:00.006+13:00

I suppose a glass seems the most empty when it's just been full. You don't necessarily think of the glasses in your cabinets as empty. They're just glasses. Finish a drink though, and what you have is an empty glass.

I suppose that's why I feel the loneliest when I've just spent time with those I love the most. 30 minutes ago I was as content as I possibly could be. I was overflowing. Now it's quiet. I'm empty.

I suppose I just need a run through the dishwasher and put back in the cabinet.

Ghosts and closed doors

2009-06-27T12:21:00.003+13:00

Tonight I went to visit a ghost from the past. More like an angel. She was still beautiful, but the last 5 or 6 years haven't been what most would call kind. Though I intentionally went there to see a ghost, the fallen angel wasn't the one I expected to see. I expected to find her mom. I expected the fallen angel's mom to hit me or hug me, I hadn't made up my mind which. But then I planned to talk to her for a while and see how her daughters were doing. It's the fallen angel's sister I really wanted to check on. We'll call her the unexpected angel.

The unexpected angel and I used to be very good friends. I can't be sure, but I believe she loved me, or at least was infatuated with me. At the time, though she was beautiful, she was far from an angel. Her mom always thanked me for being her friend, for helping her through some pretty rough times. I suppose deep down, some arrogant part of me thought of myself as her angel. I took her for granted. I haven't seen her in years and I've always told myself the reason why was "tough love".

I was living with the unexpected angel when I last saw her. She was going through a particularly difficult time in her life, so I moved in to help out. She didn't actually live there for the majority of the time I did, I was mostly just house sitting. When the unexpected angel came home, we shared the house for a couple weeks. She was better, but not good. It was a rough time. I thought she needed to learn that she couldn't just say terrible things to people she cared about, then apologize later and expect everything to be okay. She was going through a lot of stress. When she told me I had to move out by Friday, then later apologized and said she didn't want me to leave, I told her she needed to learn that she couldn't say anything she wanted then take it back later. The next day while she was at work I packed up and left. I haven't seen her or her family since.

I expected the fallen angel to be married to a rich guy, in good shape, living in LA, maybe a movie star or a model, successful. I didn't expect her to be behind the bar. I expected her mom. I didn't expect the unexpected angel to be clean and married with a kid, working as a stay-at-home-mom. I expected her to behind the bar with her mom, looking rough.

I'm not sure what I expected, going there tonight. But I think I realized that I closed a door a long time ago when I thought I was helping her. Maybe I did help her. Maybe I didn't. Maybe if I had stayed she would have still grown up, got better. Maybe we would be married. Maybe she would be working at the bar and her sister, the fallen angel, would be somewhere better. Maybe I screwed up. Maybe I didn't.

Maybe I was hoping for redemption, maybe it will still come. I'm positive I was hoping to pick up where we left off. I'm positive that won't happen.

Maybe I'm doomed to a life without female companionship. I crave it. I don't mean sex or really even a girlfriend. A man needs a woman. I needed the angels tonight. I miss them. I missed them.

Rock Star

2009-05-23T04:12:00.005+13:00

My boss recently told me I'm a rock star. I told him I'll have to start doing cocaine.

Today my project went live. I thought this would mean I could relax a bit, but instead now I see I have so much more to do! The potential is infinite, but with a heightened opportunity for success comes an increased chance for failure. I've always been very good at keeping a low profile, but I think now I'm ready to stick my neck out there. I may have.

We'll see how that goes...

Hope you don't mind me using this pic, Lance ;)

Happiness is fleeting...

2008-12-26T22:23:00.003+12:00

Luckily, so is unhappiness. It seems you could flip a coin to determine whether I'll be happy on any given day, especially on Christmas day. Today/Yesterday, the coin fell well. What a strange and wonderful Christmas day it was. Sadly, it's 4:30 AM and I am critically past my "DO NOT POST" time period (The rule was instituted to reduce the sheer amount of "emo" and general BS that significantly increases as the early morning hours pass (like this)).

So anyway, a late Merry Christmas to you all!

Decisions, decisions, decisions

2008-11-21T10:39:00.004+12:00

(I originally posted this on April 27th, 2004. Charlie was looking through some archives of one of my old sites. I started doing the same and came across this blog. Since I haven't posted much here lately, I thought it would be good to post.)

Do you ever wonder exactly how big a decision has to be before it is life-changing? I've read about the chaos theory and the butterfly effect a little, and I am inclined to believe them. If it is true, then we have no idea how the little decisions we make every day will affect our lives in the future.

My cousin Mark is 25, the same age as me. When we were 8 we obviously had our differences, but we were both kids. We both went sledding when it snowed. We both rode that peddle-car around my grandma's basement for hours at a time. We both played with lincoln-logs. Today I helped people at the hospital I work for. Today he died of a drug overdose.

I don't believe for a moment that it was on purpose. Mark was a wonderful person; always happy and making others happy. He had just made some poor decisions. Those decisions are what interest me. Which decisions cause this drastic difference in outcomes? Is it when you first decide to try cocaine? Is it when you decide to smoke that first joint? Is it when you decide to sit next to the guy in highschool that smokes pot just to be closer to that cheerleader? Is it in junior high when you decide to hide that adult magazine under your mattress so your mom won't find it when she cleans your room? Is it in gradeschool when your mom tells you to clean your room and you don't?

When is it? When does a person decide to die from a drug overdose?

Max Payne review

2008-10-27T15:12:00.004+12:00

If I had my druthers, I would have made the movie just an exact remake of all the cut scenes in the game. It would have been narrative, with a film noir/graphic novel style. However, I can see why they wouldn't do that. So that being said, as a die-hard max payne fan, I think they did a helluva job. They threw in so many references to the game.

The first thing that stands out is the settings. They hit pretty much every backdrop from the game; max's house was pretty good, the Aesir building, the docks, the storage containers, all the way down to Ragnarok. The only significant places they left out are the old foundry, with the military base underneath (where they did all the valkyre experiments) and the Asgrad building (big classic library looking building where he met Alfred Woden).

They also got most of the characters in there, Mona, Lupino, Bravura, BB, Alex, Michelle, even a Vinnie Gognitti reference! Of course they completely left out Woden and his whole crew, as well as Don Punchinello (and obviously his mansion wasn't in the movie either).

The characters bring me to the first of three things that pissed me off. WHO THE HELL IS NATASHA? In the game, Mona Sax's twin sister is named Lisa Punchinello. I guess since they left out the entire Punchinello story line, they had to change this. Still, I don't like it. Second, the Aesir corporation. IT'S PRONOUNCED ACE-ER LIKE THE COMPUTER COMPANY, NOT AUSEER OR WHATEVER IN THE HELL THEY SAY IN THE MOVIE. Third, HE DIDN'T KILL HORNE! I'm not even sure Nicole Horne was in the movie, but I'm pretty sure that's who BB's boss was supposed to be, I just never caught her name.

So overall I think it was really good. I don't think Wahlberg "nailed" Max Payne, but he did a fine job. The only person I would have picked over him would be Ray Liotta. In my opinion, the thing that would have put the movie into the "great" category for me would have been some witty and gritty narration. That's what made the game SO classic. His tone and words spoke volumes against the backdrop of the dreary city. You got the idea it wasn't just about Michelle and his daughter; Max wanted them all to die. It was for everyone's wife and daughter. He wanted them all to pay.

"You play, you pay, you bastard" - Max Payne

p.s. You don't think the dialog made the game? Try doing a google search for favorite max payne quote.

In Another Life

2008-10-22T03:06:00.010+13:00

Perhaps if I had been born in a different time, a different place, I might have been a writer. My words like cards being dealt across a smooth oak table. I count 1, 2, 3, 4 -- 2, 2, 3, 4 -- 3, 2, 3, 4 -- 4, 2, 3, 4, as they gently glide to a stop in front of each reader. Occasionally one catches the air and flips over, exposing too much, or perhaps nothing at all. I put it back in the deck to be dealt again later, then replace the one on the table, for better or worse. The players are all different. One of them, as he walks away from the table, may feel cheated or broken. He may feel I stacked the deck against him. Another may leave the table no different than when he sat down. He may feel his time was wasted, or he may feel nothing at all. But the other... the other may walk away smiling... grinning... laughing...

mid-life crisis (postponed)

2008-09-30T08:01:00.005+13:00

I had this entire post planned out... the fact that I'll be turning 30 in a couple months... I was going to say I don't plan to live past 60. I had a bunch of witty, self-depracating things to say. But while typing it, I realized I feel oddly good. Maybe it's because I just went for a walk, or because I've been drinking water today (two things I was going to pledge to do for my pending mid-life crisis).

But strangely, I feel okay. I would like to lose some weight by my 30th birthday, and I would like to not be alone any more. But right now I'm fine. So anyway, I'm postponing my mid-life crisis. At least for a few days. :)

Why?

2008-09-24T15:36:00.004+13:00

Why am I broke?
Why did I spend 60 dollars on a video game, then the next day have to borrow 60 dollars from my mom to have my cat euthenized?
Why did my cat have leukemia?
Why am I so sad that my cat is dead?
Why was I so attached to the cat?
Why am I turning 30 and still single?
Why can't I acknowledge that I have the answers to all these questions?
Why don't I do something about it?
Why am I asking you?

Lights

2008-08-12T15:54:00.010+13:00

I wrote this poem years ago (back when I thought it was cool to write poetry). For some reason I just felt like posting it...

I see clearly through the darkness an image in my mind
It radiates the brightness of the light that makes me blind
I take a step towards it but something holds me back
I remain engulfed in the presence of this awful black
The light I strive to reach seems intent on keeping apart
the white of it's pure essence and the blackness of my heart
My eyes despise the darkness, but seem content therein
where the blinding light can't penetrate the blackness of my sin
But deep down in the darkness I then see another light
it's not as bright and not as clear but still maintains my sight
As I struggle to move towards it, I notice the darkness less
and so towards this obtainable goal I know I must progress
closer I get, it's easier now to see the dark terrain
the brighter light I barely see as the darkness begins to gain
The second light has reached me now and an amazing thing takes place
I now can see the image of your beautiful smiling face
Together we float as the darkness flees for miles all around
I look toward my feet and see the light upon the ground
Then I glance up and hope to see that pure and precious light
I look around amazed to see it's now within my sight
We're gaining now, I look to you, I know we'll reach our goal
it's all because the light we share deep within our souls

Image copyright Amaury Olivier Laporte, 2006

Untitled

2008-08-08T09:04:00.004+13:00

I don't know what this post is about yet. I just decided I wanted/needed to post something, so here I go... It's amazing, the empty white space is already receding, yet I still have no inspiration. The last line made me think of hair loss, which is a concern of mine, you would understand if you have met any man on my dad's side of the family. However, hair loss is hardly blog-worthy. Unless, of course, I combined the subject of a certain man in my family and hair loss. Sadly, I believe most of the content that discussion would be based on was told to me in confidence, which I cannot betray. It seems I've gotten to know a lot of people a lot better over the past few months, many with a new light shone upon them, a couple with shadows... And speaking of shadows... Hey, who turned out the lights? I certainly hope I never run across any Vashta Nerada in a dark alley... or a light alley. Which reminds me, I need to have David, Karl, Reggie and Sean over for another Rock Band Saturday soon. I'll grill some Beddar Cheddar brats and we'll rock into the wee hours of the night and talk about many nerdly subjects. I'm sure Portal will come up. I can't believe I still haven't played it. If I weren't broke right now, I'd go buy Orange Box for the 360. Maybe once I catch up on my finances... which at this rate probably won't happen until I get my tax return. Although, I should be getting a significant raise early next month. Today my boss asked me to send him 3 goals for next year. I hate doing that. What I really want to put is

1) be less lazy.
2) be less lazy.
3) be less lazy.

I did put "Be more motivated" for one of them. It's just been so hard to stay motivated lately. I thought as all my friends left it would become easier to take more initiative, but it really hasn't changed much. I guess I spend less time chatting and wondering around, but it doesn't really feel like I'm getting any more done. In fairness, we really haven't had a lot of work to do. It seems we've had lots of emergencies and catastrophies, but day-to-day work has been rather slow. I have a couple things that I probably should have done weeks ago, but in all honesty if I did them now, I'd literally have nothing to do... until the next disaster. I rather like disasters. I guess they make me feel validated for not working hard the rest of the time. Sometimes I want to just pull an Office Space and go get a construction job. There's nothing like the feeling of accomplishment after a day of hard work. I rarely get that feeling. Work life just blurs into home life. Another seat. Another monitor. Another flashing cursor or flickering image.

Basically...

I think I need a girlfriend.

I Am Legend... Not

2008-08-05T03:24:00.008+13:00

So yesterday was the first chance I've had to chillax for an entire day in what felt like months. I took the opportunity to sit on my butt and watch a few movies. I watched Aeon Flux, which I ended up liking. At first, I thought it was the worst written movie I have ever seen, but then once the plot was revealed it (mostly) redeemed itself. I watched Witless Protection (You know, Larry The Cable Guy?). If you watched it for what it was, it was a good movie and rather funny. I watched I Am Legend. There were a few things in this movie that made me angry, but overall I really enjoyed it. Will Smith is always brilliant (including the Fresh Prince days).

So now on to the reason for this post... The Last Man On Earth is a film released in 1964 that starred Vincent Price and was based on the novel, "I Am Legend". I like comparing old movies (The old version of the Andromeda Strain is MUCH better than the new) so I had to give this movie a try after watching I Am Legend. Quite simply put, The Last Man On Earth is probably the worst hour and a half of film I have ever watched. From the crappy narration (done by Vincent Price), past the uninspired "vampire" version of the zombies, through to the horrible, horrible ending, this movie just oozes crap. The real clincher for me was when the zompires started talking... "Moooorgaaaaan, can you hear me?" as they all wield their identical stick of wood (who knows where they got it from) beating it on the side of his house, "I'm going to kill you Moooorgaaaan". At least there's no risk of misunderstanding their intent I guess...

Seriously, I'd like to tell you that the movie is worth watching for a laugh or two, but it's really not. The filmography is total crap too. My (least) favorite scene is when Morgan (Price) is coming out of the church after mourning his dead wife (whom he had buried elsewhere and she later came back to visit him, "leeet meee iinnnn") and the camera cuts to an outside view and you see two zompires hiding behind the railing. As Price walks by they jump out and attack him. The only scene worse than this one is when he is loading a couple dead zompires into the back of his station wagon and you can clearly see the actress move to get out of the way of the new body he is putting in.

Oh, and then you have the gratuitous scene where the military takes his dead 10 year old daughter's body and throws it into a giant burning pit. Awesome. I won't even put up with that in a good movie.

In short, thank you Will Smith.

Perhaps the strangest thing ever...

2008-06-15T17:47:00.003+13:00

So I just got back from a Showbread concert. Funny name, amazing band. Seriously the best show I've ever seen. Absolutely brilliant. On to the point...

We pulled in to the drive about midnight. When I get out of the car, I hear an odd noise. I look over, and there is an elderly lady sweeping the sidewalk. At midnight. On a Saturday. With a broom. Sweeping. The sidewalk.

Seriously.

WBLN: Space Business

2008-05-14T03:13:00.002+13:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7387473.stm

Basically, scientists have discovered (or at least are theorizing) that manufacturing certian metals in a certain way in zero gravity can make them stronger and lighter. Space travel intrigues me, and probably everyone else. I've always wondered why we aren't trying harder to get to Mars. There's a good chance the biggest reason is cost. Well, if there's a way to turn a profit in space, you can bet the first departure time for Mars just got moved up a bit.

WBLN: Frickin' LASERs

2008-04-10T05:12:00.004+13:00

Everything is bigger in Texas. This LASER is no exception. Scientists at The University of Texas recently turned this petawatt bad-boy on. In case you're wondering, that's one quadrillion watts of power, which in a one-trillionth-of-a-second burst is "2,000 times more powerful than all the power plants in the United States"

Sounds cool, right? But what is it for, you hesitantly ask? Well, here's a quote from the project manager: "You'd have to go out into space and hang out with an exploding star to observe what we plan to observe here in Texas."

Oh the stars at night are big and bright (KABOOM THWAAPP) deep in the heart of Texas! Seriously, if the quote above doesn't scare you to death, maybe you should read it again.

Nearly Infinite

2008-04-03T08:43:00.001+13:00

I saw the term "nearly infinite" today, and thought to myself "Wow, that's really stupid".

How would you describe a number near infinity? 10,000? Huh-uh. 100,000,000,000? No, not even close. 2? Wrong again. Seroiusly, someone please explain the concept of "nearly infinite" to me.

While doing a quick google of the phrase, I did come across another blog about the subject with some very interesting replies from the blog's readers. Check them out, if you want.

WBLN: Robots

2008-03-19T01:24:00.002+12:00

In today's edition of Won't Be Long Now... we have a four legged robot. At first, it's cute. But then it abrubtly dips into the uncanny valley and becomes one of the creepiest things I've seen in weeks, maybe months. Watch the vid, and I think you'll see what I mean:

Won't be long now... (one)

2008-03-14T06:58:00.007+12:00

It seems like a weekly occurrence now. I read an article or watch a video on the internet and think to myself "It won't be long now..." Till what? I don't know. Perhaps the end of the world, perhaps the pinnacle of human existence. But these things, these articles, these videos, they are all about things that used to be considered science fiction. Things that people only dreamed about. So, I'm going to start posting them. I may comment, I may not. It honestly just amazes me how often I am amazed these days.

For the very first WBLN blog, we have a device that is basically the first step in communicating without speaking. That's right, some day soon we may actually be talking to others using only our thoughts.

It's happening now: http://technology.newscientist.com/article/dn13449-nervetapping-neckband-allows-telepathic-chat.html

Paradigm Shit

2008-02-19T15:45:00.004+12:00

First, a couple apologies...

1) Sorry for the language in the title, but I absolutely could not resist the play on words!
2) Sorry for the subject matter. I generally avoid such topics, but I can no longer remain silent on this!

One definition of Paradigm Shift is "A complete change in thinking or belief systems that allows the creation of a new condition previously thought impossible or unacceptable". It's time for such a change in the bathroom.

First is the question of privacy. Some of us go out of our way to only "tinkle" at work. I'm not saying you're a terrible person if for some reason you have to drop a deuce at the office. However, I shouldn't have to smell it just because I need to quickly relieve myself or wash my hands. I DEMAND separate bathrooms for #1 and #2. I don't even know how you would go about making such a change. I believe during the days of segregation they had separate bathrooms for black people. Where did they go??? I work in a hospital, if any place in the world could pull off this change, it would be the hospital. There are already hundreds and hundreds of bathrooms. Just some slight remodeling, and voilà, you have Men #1, Men #2 and Ladies (Everyone knows ladies don't defecate). I'm not sure of all the logistics, but I am 100% serious that this needs to happen. There are some NASTY people in this world and I don't want to smell them.

The second issue is much more simply stated... IT IS THE YEAR 2008, WHY ARE WE STILL POOPING IN A BOWL OF WATER?!?!?! Technology makes absolutely amazing advances in certain areas--just today I read about a LAZER that puts out like 200 billion times more energy than the sun--while some areas completely lack. For instance, why do most computers still come with Floppy drives? Why can't elevators be air conditioned? Why is my coffee maker sitting over there flashing 12:00 repeatedly? And why, for the love of all things holy, are we still dropping the kids off at the pool??? This process can be traced back as far as the 1590's and as we know it today was patented in the 1850's. I'm no inventor, but if you are, get off the pot and go figure this out!!!

It's disgusting.

Conditional Courtesies and Irrelevant Intentions

2008-02-02T03:55:00.000+12:00

Today, while on my way to work, something a bit odd happened. Stopped at a stoplight, I happened to notice the gentleman next to me motioning for me to roll down my window. He was in his late 40's or early 50's and wearing a nice suit. He says "Excuse me, did you know your license are expired?" "No, I didn't", said I. "November, 2007" he replied.

Interesting.

My first instinct was to be angry, but then I realized I honestly had not known my plates were expired. Being no stranger to having expired tags (My personal record is over 2 years), I am generally aware when they are expired. I'm quite sure if I had known, my reaction would have continued down the course of anger. I don't know if it's pride, arrogance or what, but I don't like it when people, strangers in particular, tell me something I already know. Sometimes it actually infuriates me.

But driving through the snow and slush this morning, the question hit me, why should my reaction be different based on my knowledge? Given that I was not aware of a problem, I was thankful for the man's kindness. Regardless of whether I knew it or not, the guy was trying to be helpful.

Or was he?

And that's where my personality really breaks down. What was this guys motive? Was he really just being nice? Why on earth was he looking at my license plate? I'm quite sure I have never, nor will I ever, notice that someone else's tags are expired. This guy wasn't even in the same lane as me, and we had just come to the first stoplight in town. Why did he care? A light out, or a flat tire, that's understandable; it's a safety issue. But expired tags? Who notices that?

So it comes back to anger, suspicion, arrogance, paranoia. Is it just me? Are most Americans inclined to act like this? I'm guessing so. What about the rest of the world?

Even if the guy's intentions weren't sincere, does it matter? Why can't I just be thankful that he pointed out something I needed to know? Why can't I just thank people for trying to help, even if they are pointing out something I already knew?

212 is the new 110

2008-01-29T03:48:00.000+12:00

And winning the award in the category "Any moron can make a million dollars by coming up with a cheesy motivational ploy" is...

Sam Parker!

Congratulations Sam. You are a pot of boiling water. You were a guy that realized that the entire world works in gradiants, and not only that, you were able to exploit it to make a buck!

At 32 degrees, ice is just ice. But at 33 degrees it melts and becomes water! And water can suply 19% of the worlds electricity, plus it keeps us alive! Can your "steam" do THAT Mr. Parker? I mean, who uses steam engines anymore, really? I think the only use steam still has is making fat guys in white towels feel like they're doing something healthy while they just sit there. Go back to the boiling water stage and at least you can cook some food or something...

So anyway, here's to you, Sam Parker, your crappy 212movie.com site, and all the cheap swag you managed to sell to all those giant corporations. Congratulations, and may your success be as short lived as the fleeting vapor you exploited to gain it!

P.S. HOT WATER BURN BABY!!!

More Than A Memory

2008-01-28T06:16:00.000+12:00

People say she's only in my head
It's gonna take time but I'll forget
They say I need to get on with my life
But they don't realize

Cause when you're dialin' six numbers just to hang up the phone
Drivin' cross town just to see if she's home
Wakin' a friend in the dead of the night
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright
When you find the things to do not to fall asleep
Cause you know she'll be there in your dreams
That's when she's
More than a memory

Took a match to everything she ever wrote
Watched her words go up in smoke
Tore all her pictures off the wall
It ain't helpin me at all

Cause when you're talkin' out loud but nobody's there
You look like hell and you just don't care
Drinkin' more than you ever drank

Sinkin' down lower than you ever sank
When you find yourself fallin' down upon your knees
Prayin' to God
Beggin' him "Please"
That's when she's
More than a memory

She's more
She's more

Cause when you're dialin' her number just to hang up the phone
Drivin' across town just to see if she's home
Wakin' a friend in the dead of night
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright
When you find the things to do not to fall asleep
Cause you know she's waiting in your dreams
That's when she's
More than a memory

People say she's only in my head
It's gonna take time but I'll forget

Note: This blog was by request. It has nothing to do with my current state of mind. :)

Hollowood, Shallowfornia

2008-01-20T16:09:00.000+12:00

It's so frustrating. Can I blame hollywood? Am I just shallow, by my own fault? Some people are happy driving an ugly car, as long as it runs good. Some people are content living in a run-down house, as long as it keeps them warm. Once in a while, you see an ugly couple and you can tell they are truly happy. Why are my standards so high? I don't think I deserve anything any more than anyone else has, but still, when I see a cute girl I literally can't help but think "Why can't I have someone like that"? And it's not that beauty is the only thing I'm looking for, I want the whole package. Why do I (feel like I) require perfection? Why can't I just settle for a sweet, funny, smart girl that is by no means ugly, but I'm just not attracted to? And you know, I honestly believe that if I put effort into it, I could find that perfect girl. The twisted part is that I know I would constantly wonder why she didn't keep looking until she found that perfect guy too... I mean, I don't have poor self-esteem or anything, but I'm also not retarded. I'm not the best looking guy in the world.

But you know, I watch TV... and I watch for things that most people probably do not. I see it. I see the fat guys, the loser guys, the weird guys, I see them with the attractive girls. Does hollywood think it's really like it used to be? (I should point out, I'm talking about TV, not movies... perhaps referring to hollywood is misleading. Nobody in the movies is real.) Do they really think beautiful women still choose men based on who they think would be a good husband and a good father to their kids? In the real world, you see who the cute girls are really with. Bastards. It must be extremely difficult being a beautiful lady, and I'm not being sarcastic. On the one hand you have hollywood telling you to settle for the smart guy that makes good money, even if he's not great looking. Then on the other hand, you have society and hormones and whatever else, pressuring you to find someone equally as beautiful as you, even though you must know that he is going to be a completely unreliable, unobservant, insincere and unbelievable jerk.

So back to us mediocre guys and TV and false hope... On some level it does make me feel better that I see Doug Heffernan, from King of Queens with that cutie Carrie. But on another level it makes me sad for all the women watching... but maybe the problem is I'm assuming everyone is as shallow as me. Maybe there are some wonderful and gorgeous girls that don't need Brad Pitt's looks to fall in love. Maybe if you spend enough time around someone you stop seeing their physical flaws. Maybe I should stop being an idiot and just get out there and play the numbers. You don't go to Vegas and expect to win the first time you pull the lever. Why should I expect the first girl to be the emotional, intellectual and physical Jackpot I'm looking for? Sometimes even poor people win the lottery.

In many societies in the world arranged marriages are still acceptable. I believe even in Japan today, they are still trying to get used to men and women meeting, falling in love, and getting married without any basis on family, fortune or farmland... In some cultures, especially in the past, the men just choose who they want and the women have to live with it. I sometimes find myself wondering what that would have been like. My conclusion is always the same... I wouldn't be able to do it. To me, loving someone means that you want them to be happy above all else. I would never want a woman that was only with me because my family or I said that was the way it was going to be... but sometimes I'm selfish enough to wish that's the way it still was. There is a part of me that thinks I could make her love me.

Love is odd. It is more strange, more diverse and more confusing than this blog entry. Desire is consistent. "Chemistry" is unpredictable. Hopefully some day they will all align. But, if not, complacency is possible.

Time Is Relative

2008-01-01T07:27:00.000+12:00

And much like many of my relatives... No, I'm not really going to go there.

But it is amazing that 2007 is gone. It makes sense that time would be relative. I mean, for a 1 day old baby, a day is a long time. It's a lifetime. But what is a day in the life of a 100 year old man? It's 1/36,500ths of a lifetime, that's what it is.

There are other factors that affect the flow of time. Lately time has been blurry for me. I feel like I haven't really had anything to look forward to. Anticipation is a huge factor in our perception of time. Work, sleep, video games, repeat. I've always relied on making other people happy to make me happy. It's becoming apparent that I may not have that option for the next couple of years. I need to be needed, and that may be in short quantity for a while. My Dad said something a few weeks ago that stuck with me. When asked if he was happy, he said he wasn't unhappy. I had never thought of it that way, but happiness isn't some diametric state. I have surely known happiness before, but I'm definitely content with simply not being unhappy.

However, through it all, God has had amazing timing. As one source of happiness has left me, another has always appeared. It seems that may be happening again. It's really too early to tell, but at the very least I have no problem with not being unhappy for a while until something does work out.

So here's to you and your 2008. May it be the least unhappy year you've ever had! :)

The the

2007-12-20T09:49:00.000+12:00

So I noticed when generating URLs, blogger.com ignores "the" and "a" and other useless words. I was curious what would happen with a post titled much like this one. I certainly cannot wait to find out!

There was also a band named The The. I believe they were formed before the internet, but how stupid do they feel? Go ahead, try to Google them, I dare you.

Of course you can. You could do something like band "the the" or perhaps-well no, that's pretty much your only option. It does return pertinent results, by the way, Wikipedia being the first. Google should buy Wikipedia. I mean, 90% of the time when I google something, the first result is a wiki article anyway. They should totally do it. The babies would be awesome.

So anyway, time to find out what the URL to this entry will be. The suspense is killing me!!!

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

2007-12-16T18:57:00.000+12:00

This is a hybrid post. It's a video, but no lyrics. There's an actual post...

I was checking out some of Jon Foreman's solo stuff (which is brilliant, by the way) and ended up at his myspace site. Well, in the comments I noticed some girl saying how much they sounded like Coldplay. I immediately threw up on my keyboard. The two bands do sound alike. A LOT. But Jon and Switchfoot released their first album in 97. It was called Legend of Chin and it's amazing. You should get it. Now. Right now. Coldplay apparently released their first full length album in 2000. But let's be realistic, nobody ever heard of them until a couple years ago. If you say otherwise you're a filthy liar. The point is, THE GUY FROM COLDPLAY SOUNDS LIKE JON FOREMAN!!!

And as for the video I embeded... Wow. I mean, if you don't love this song, there is absolutely no reason for you to continue living. I'm all for diversity among people and their tastes, but if you don't like Switchfoot, I hate you. I hate you and I hope you die in a fire. A very hot fire.

Jon sang part of this song lying on his back singing through the soundboard of a piano.

Remember, the dark times in our lives are what remind us that the light exists. The shadow proves the sunshine.

This post was brought to you by Gillette... apparently. The best a man can get.

Edit: Apparently Switchfoot and Coldplay sound NOTHING alike. I had my bands wrong. The Fray. The guy from the Fray sounds EXACTLY like Jon Foreman. Chuck disagrees, but he's a dirty hooker so what does he know.

Sibilant Engorgement

2007-12-11T17:30:00.000+12:00

Spoiler alert! Sibilant Engorgement is just an anagram for "interesting blog name". Not only was "The Blarg" overused, it was under-extraordinary! Sibilant Engorgement sounds so much more full of crap.

More than that, I really think it fits the theme of my blog. I think if I had to describe the problems in society with only one word, that word would be "excess". More money, more rights, more freedom, more, more, more. Too much of a good thing... you know.

The oil painting to the left was done by Mandy Sand. Not only does he have an awesome name, he was born in Bucharest in 1932. I think the piece really summarizes what I'm trying to say here... if I only had a dollar for every time I saw a man dressed like that walking around stepping on naked women with golden orbs hovering around randomly... I swear.

So anyway, this post is obviously completely bogus. I just felt I needed something to mark the changing of the name. Good times.

Monkey see, monkey do

2007-12-07T09:24:00.000+12:00

I hate bad news. I hate hearing about school shootings, drive by's and other horrendous acts of violence and random atrocities. I always thought they had a negative impact on society. Until today, I couldn't really prove it. I'm sure you've all heard about the shootings in a mall in some state that I can't remember (mainly because I don't want to). The suicide note is quoted as ending with "At least now I'll be famous". I couldn't help but laugh out loud (and cry inside) at the situation. By reporting his name (which they did) and everything about him, they were granting his wish.

In Johnny Cash's song "Streets Of Loredo" the dying cowboy, when asking a passerby to write to his mother, begs that he not "mention his name and his name will pass on".

I think the general consensus in the media is that they have a responsibility to report EVERYTHING. I obviously disagree. What good could possibly come from talking about someone killing 8 people in a mall, let alone telling us his name and why he says he did it? I'm guessing most people would argue that the main benefit of covering such events is "awareness". Okay, so I'm at the mall tomorrow. I'm "aware" that a couple days ago some guy went on a rampage and started shooting people in a mall. Now, if someone walks into my mall while I'm there and starts shooting at me, what good is that awareness going to do me?

This is the first instance I ever recall where the admitted motive is "to be famous". The key word is "admitted". Even if this is the only guy that EVER killed a bunch of people because he thought it would make him famous (consciously or otherwise), what if that motive wouldn't have existed? What if we didn't hear about every grizzly, disgusting and gruesome massacre in the world every morning on our way to work? What if they wouldn't have given his name, or said where he was from? What if news stations weren't like that gossiping coworker that constantly has to prove he has knowledge you don't? I think 8 people would have left a shopping mall and went back to their lives and loved ones.

"Ignoring it won't make it go away!" you say... Well, we could at least give it a try, says I. Acknowledging it sure hasn't helped.

Did I step on your trumpet?

2007-11-30T08:28:00.001+12:00

Think outside the cup

2007-11-30T04:35:00.001+12:00

I don't hate the environment, but I've never really gone out of my way to help it.

This morning, I made my regular ritualistic run to the hospital coffee shop. They were out of the little cardboard sleeves that protect your hand from the sometimes painfully hot cup. As I tolerated the pain on the way back to my desk, I thought to myself "I wonder if I have one from yesterday still in my cube. I could bring it back tomorrow in case they are still out". Then I thought, well, what if I just had one that wasn't disposable? Not only would it be more convenient, but it would be better for the environment. Given that there is nothing new under the sun, I assumed such a brilliant idea had already been birthed. So, with Google's help I found a couple companies that specialize in what are commonly known as "cupcoats". I ordered the one pictured in this post. It was about 14 dollars with shipping from http://www.cupcouture.com/, but http://www.cupcoats.com/ has them cheaper.

This is how to save the world. Make it convenient. If it's actually more convenient for people to do something environmentally conscious, they will be more likely to do it. Granted, some people may not see a non-disposable sleeve as more convenient than a disposable one, but I do. If you own a coffee shop, try stocking some cupcoats and "run out" of the disposable ones a few times. People will see the need. It also wouldn't hurt to give cupcoat users a discount. You're making a profit from selling them, and you're spending less on the disposable ones anyway. Individuals will never save the world, but perhaps Starbucks can.

Twenty-nine

2007-11-21T09:06:00.000+12:00

Today is my birthday. My mom brought cake to my office. It was very tasty.

Did you know wikipedia has numbers? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/29_(number)

Weird.

One rule to ring them all!

2007-11-15T06:52:00.000+12:00

Check out this voicemail I got today...

Oh, and check out GrandCentral (by Google). It is simply amazing. Google has really outdone themselves (and I didn't think that was possible). There are 2 basic features I'm waiting on before I totally commit and start handing out my GC#, but I highly recommend you check it out and see what you think. Some of the features are simply amazing, for instance:

One number rings ALL your phones
Set contacts to only ring to selected phones
Switch phones (while on a call)
Web-based voicemail, just click play
Custom ringtones/calltones, per contact
Listen to voicemails live, answer if you want
Record entire conversations, listen later on the web
Gizmo integration, use your computer as one of the phones
Many, MANY, more awesome features

The two things that are holding me back currently are text messages and a little thing Chuck thought about with the voicemails... what if you're "off the grid" and you miss a call? You'll likely have access to your phone way before you have access to your Grand Central inbox. How do you get those voicemails? I can't find anywhere that says you can dial your GC# and check your VMs, but surely that will be a feature soon. Thanks for the comment, Craig. So I'm just waiting on text messages!

In short, go ahead and reserve your number now. If you don't get accepted into the beta, let me know, I have a couple invites left.

http://www.grandcentral.com/

(Thanks to Davis C. for the post title, genius lol)

Haiku for Eric

2007-11-15T04:48:00.000+12:00

My dear friend Eric

You are a Canadian

I don't understand

(image courtesy http://www.haikucanada.org/)

THE CONQUEROR WORM

2007-11-14T07:27:00.000+12:00

Lo! 'tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.

Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly--
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their Condor wings
Invisible Wo!

That motley drama--oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes!--it writhes!--with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And the angels sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out--out are the lights--out all!
And, over each quivering form,
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
And the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, "Man,"
And its hero the Conqueror Worm.

-Edgar Allan Poe

Crazy

2007-11-14T05:17:00.000+12:00

Everyone is always worried about going crazy. "If x happens, I'll go crazy!" Yeah, you've heard it. I just decided something. I think I have gone crazy. It's kinda hard to tell, what with being crazy and all, but I think it happened. I think we all slip back and forth between sanity and insanity, but some tend to sway one way more often. Normal people look at crazy people and think "Man, I'm glad I'm not crazy". I doubt the crazy people are thinking "I wish I wasn't crazy". They're probably just laughing maniacally on the inside. If ignorance is bliss, insanity is euphoria.

It's not so bad.

The trick is how well you hide it. After all, you don't want people thinking you're crazy.

Infected

2007-10-25T08:06:00.000+13:00

Since I'm in another major creativity drought, I figured I'd post another great music video. This is Demon Hunter.

I still wonder when the medicine will take it's effect.
And the injection they made, it's all just left me the same.
It's hard to concentrate with echo's of your voice in my head.
From all you said, I'm still paralyzed.
But I'm almost out of breathe from saying things that I'll regret.
My time is over, I cant do this alone.
I'm infected with you, pull the plug already.
Tell me before I go, that your infected with me.

I cant remember if I ever took a minute to say.
That if it had to be now, I'm glad it had to be me.
I cant recuperate, I'm never going to leave here alive.
Just help me through this, don't let me die here.
But I'm almost out of breath from saying things I'll regret.
My time is over, I cant do this alone,
I'm infected with you, pull the plug already.
Tell me before I go, that your infected with me.
I'm killing time just trying to find
the words that fall so short of you.
I'm loosing sleep, I cant compete,
I'm giving out, I cant do this alone.

All Of Us

2007-10-13T09:14:00.001+13:00

Since I'm getting ready to go see the Swedish band, Blindside, I thought I'd post one of their songs...

As soon as You stepped through my door
I saw You for the first time all over again
Time well spent seems lonelier than ever
Like light years ago
As I smell You for the first time all over again
I begin to remember to be alive
So if You don't mind
I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve
Cause I'm tired of not being able to bleed

All of us are searching for an open arm
And it's a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it's the same old word giving me the spark
All of us are searching for an open arm
And it's a shame how I curl up in the dark

I've felt a loss for some time
I slipped stumbled but fell face first
Straight into Your hand
Hit my head on Your palm
Waking up to the smell
Of fears dying up in the sand

I wash my wounds with tears of hope

All of us are searching for an open arm
And it's a shame how I pull myself apart
When it's the same word making me run for cover to
Your heart

Four, oh four!

2007-10-05T08:54:00.000+13:00

I had never noticed before, but apparently pretty much any clock you see with Roman numerals uses IIII instead of IV to represent the 4. Interesting.

There are some nice theories as to why here, but nothing conclusive. Personally, I like the theory of aesthetic balance. If you were to divide the face vertically from 12 to 6, it's basically symetrical as far as the weight of the numbers (IIII directly across from VIII). There are some other interesting theories posted on that site as well.

It just amazes me that I had never noticed this until today. Interesting.

Lonely Day

2007-09-27T06:59:00.000+13:00

Such a lonely day

And it's mine
The most loneliest day in my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

Shouldn't exist

It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go,

I wanna go with you

And if you die,

I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
And it's mine

It's a day that I'm glad I survived

2555 days ago...

2007-09-26T07:40:00.000+13:00

...I was sitting in The McCauley Room for orientation. That room doesn't even exist any more. A lot has changed in 7 years. I'd like to think working at the hospital is kinda like the show Scrubs, but it isn't. Unfortunately, in the real world, the janitors are just plain creepy, the doctors are rude (and generally not too intelligent), the nurses are hotter, and I don't narrate the entire day in my head (very often).

However, I have learned a lot, and had a lot of fun. I've made a lot of friends, and a few enemies. I could probably force this and come up with a few relatively eloquent paragraphs about lessons learned through humerous stories during my time here, but I don't really feel like it. Maybe in honor of the occasion I'll post a few stories over the next few days...

Here's hoping for 33 more years here, a comfortable retirement, and a quiet death.

p.s. The title does not account for leap year.

Attention: GM Union Auto Workers

2007-09-26T04:13:00.000+13:00

ARE YOU COMPLETELY RETARDED???

Right now, over 70,000 GM employees in the United Auto Workers Union (isn't that redundant?) are on strike. HELLO??? Ford is closing plants left and right and moving jobs to Mexico where they only pay their workers 2 dollars an hour, and you think it's a good idea to STOP working because GM won't give you that 2 dollar an hour raise to inch you above the 30 dollar per hour mark?

I love how auto workers complain how we are ruining the country by buying foreign cars... I say they are the ones ruining the country by demanding 30 dollars an hour to do a job any moron would be glad to do for 15 dollars an hour, thus forcing American manufacturers to move to other countries. Oh the irony.

Dead dogs and one armed bandits.

2007-08-18T07:32:00.000+13:00

As you know, I normally reserve this blog for crazy theories and existential BS. I mean, I can talk about normal stuff with people face to face. However, once in a while something annoys me so much that I just feel like writing it down...

Attention all press personal, journalists and reporters... STOP TALKING ABOUT MICHAEL VICK.

Talking to a friend earlier, I was complaining about how much the media is talking about Michael Vick. My opinion is this: other NFL players have shot people, smuggled drugs, beat their girlfriends and done basically every other heinous thing you can list. Michael Vick? He bet on dog fights. Whether the main offense is animal cruelty or illegal gambling, I DON'T CARE! Fine him, ban him, whatever. Sure it will make me sad, I loved watching him play, but for the love of all things holy, STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM!

Thanks.

"You know the question, just as I did."

2007-08-16T09:24:00.000+13:00

It's the question that drives us. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did. ~ Trinity

RE: New York Times Article

Perhaps I'm egotistical, paranoid and delusional, but I've always felt the world was here just for me. Since I was a child, I remember thinking things weren't quite right. Whether I felt like Jim Carey in The Truman Show, as if the world was watching me; Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, as if I was living in a dream or simulation; or perhaps the flat out non-existence of The Thirteenth Floor; something has always seemed surreal to me. These are not original ideas.

Solipsism is nothing new, try 2500 years old or so... but in my mind (ha), the idea (haha) that nothing existing outside of the mind can be proven, seems very plausible. But whether we're all just floating brains in vats, sims in a futuristic game, or actually, physically here, does it really matter? We still learn, love, laugh and lament, and when we pinch ourselves it hurts. Perception is reality.

However...

If this world isn't as tangible as it seems, perhaps that explains some things, and perhaps it means some things... Mind over matter... What if it isn't matter? Does it really matter? ;)

[A quick aside]

Back by popular demand...

2007-08-15T10:00:00.001+13:00

I'm working up a decent post right now. It's in draft form. Hopefully I can finish it and post it tomorrow.

I can be your superman.

2007-07-05T16:14:00.000+13:00

"Actions speak louder than words"

Wrong.

Mostly.

I think the adage is overused, or misused. If you're talking about "practicing what you preach", then I suppose it applies. In other words, words are useless if you don't put them into effect. However, I think many more times the opposite is true. I think the cliche has become an excuse for thousands and thousands of people that are too afraid to talk to the ones they love... myself included.

The real power lies in words that provoke action. Actions and words together may very well be a superpower. Every day people use casual words and very rarely in a context that matters. People avoid the conversations they should be having and hope their actions speak loudly enough for others to hear. Sadly, the reality is that in general the words the actions aren't conveying haven't even been spoken in the right place or at the right time. If I'm not being clear, I'm not talking about people you spend every waking moment with. I'm talking about those relationships you have with your friends and extended family. The ones where you always feel like you could probably make a difference in their lives but you never actually do.

Tonight as I was driving home I had one of my cousins on my mind. She may read this, it doesn't matter. She's apparently having some relationship issues. So I was thinking to myself, "What would happen if I got his phone number and called him. I don't even know anything about the situation, but I bet I could call him and tell him that he should call her right now. He should tell her it's stupid for them to be fighting. If he loves her, he should tell her he loves her, and finally he should either apologize if it's his fault or if it was her fault he should just lie and say it's his fault and then apologize anyway." I don't know, he may have felt obligated to fill me in on what actually happened, and that may have forced me to modify my persuasion tactics, but I'm confident that I could have talked him in to calling her. What's the problem with my plan? The problem is that it's one of those things you would never actually do. Why? I suppose because it's not socially normal or because you're afraid you'll be wrong.

Or maybe you never do those things because everyone can't be a superhero. Using words to provoke action is a superpower, after all. It seems like a simple one. But perhaps Clark Kent wonders why we don't all just jump up in the air and start flying. I'm sure it seems simple to him.

I'm practicing.

Maybe I didn't save my cousin's relationship (I think it will work out anyway) but I am honing my superpowers with my niece and nephews. I've been making an effort to have more serious talks with them. Instead of just losing sleep over worrying about them, or hoping they mimic the actions I rarely get to display, I'm taking action and using words. Words that inspire action. For example, I recently informed them that "Okay" is a magical word. Dear God I hope my words inspired action. I hope, at least once, when their Mom tells them to go clean their room they stop and think "Let me try that magical word Uncle Scott suggested". I hope they say "Okay", and I hope they are magically rewarded.

I doubt I'll ever perfect my superpower to the point of being able to save the world, although I honestly believe some have, but I'll be happy if I can simply make someone I love a better person.

[A quick aside]

This House

2007-06-29T15:19:00.000+13:00

I shut all my windows
They protect me from the storm
I’m alone but I wait for someone
One who keeps the lights on
One who keeps the house warm

I feel a swaying rhythm
If we get swept to sea I’ll be happy
It’s all we wish for now
I wish you’d keep the lights down
I wish you’d keep the house warm

We have enough we can handle it
If we don’t make it I will fall apart
All is in vain for us.

We have enough we can handle it
If we don’t make it I will fall apart
All is in vain for us.

I think that we can make it now
I think that we can make it
If you can keep the lights down
If you can keep the house warm

All is in vain for us

We have enough we can handle it
If we don’t make it I will fall apart
All is in vain

We have enough we can handle it
If we don’t make it I will fall apart
All is in vain

Ladies and Gentlemen...

2007-06-24T17:32:00.001+13:00

No, this is not a saliva song. I was having a discussion about "equality" with (what I believe may be) a lady from a forum I frequent. During some of my ramblings, I came across a thought that I think is blogworthy.

I've heard it said many times that there are no nice guys left, no gentlemen. Perhaps they are extinct. Perhaps ladies and gentlemen have a symbiotic relationship of sorts. Perhaps with the death of the lady, so too dies the gentleman. He is no longer needed, no longer appreciated, no longer cared for. He is dubbed old-fashioned or a religious fanatic, or perhaps a chauvinist pig, then discarded by the empowered and independant woman. She no longer needs protection. She no longer needs her honor defended. She no longer needs honor; she has her career, her pride and her live-in boyfriend of 6 years who can't seem to keep a job.

But again, my theory is a symbiotic relationship. Who knows who began disappearing first? It could just as easily have been the decline of the gentlemen that led to the spiraling numbers of ladies. Maybe they drank one too many beers, made one too many rude jokes in mixed company or opened one too few doors. Perhaps they didn't let their daughters spend enough time with their grandmothers or perhaps they didn't spend enough time with their sons.

I'm not sure who compromised first, but I'm putting my money on the ladies... sometime in the 1920's. And the hippies from the 60's and 70's likely put the nail in the coffin.

Perhaps there are a few survivors, a lady here, a gentleman there, spread out in remote parts of the world. But they won't last long. They are dying. I hope someone other than me misses them.

"If it weren't for women who are ladies there would be no reason for men to be gentlemen" - Me.

Life's too short to buy cheap socks

2007-06-24T17:01:00.000+13:00

Today I was out shopping with one of my sisters, my niece and one of my nephews. I normally buy my socks at Wal-Mart because they're cheap (Don't worry, I stopped buying all other clothes from Wal-Mart a couple years ago). Well, while we were out I happened to remember that I needed some white socks. While my sister helped Emma find a couple outfits (They found some really cute ones, by the way) I dragged Dillon away to look at socks. I soon found that they didn't have any packs of 300 for $1.99, so I grabbed two Adidas 3 packs for eleven bucks each. That's almost two dollars per sock! I don't mind paying 50 bucks for a nice shirt, but socks are socks. They go on your feet. They should be dirt cheap. Anyway, cut to the chase, the socks are REALLY comfortable and this blog about socks is WAY too long.

The truth is I've been having trouble sleeping the past few weeks. Tonight I tried going to bed about 2 hours ago and just laid there wishing I could stop grinding my teeth and wishing my brain would settle down. So, I drove to Wal-Mart (not for socks) and bought some Advil PM. This blog was an attempt to kill some time until it kicks in. So far, no good.

Hero complex?

2007-06-22T07:30:00.000+13:00

I was going to open by defining the word mundane. However, I discovered that a synonym, banal, is much more appropriate plus you've probably never heard it and learning new words is always good.

So anyway, back to the point... I wish my title was "Emergency Problem Solver and Advice Guy". I searched on monster.com, but there were no positions like that available. I remember working at Taco Bell (My first job). I was lucky enough that I got to pick my own schedule and I ONLY worked the drivethrough (because I hated everything else). I absolutely loved it when there was a rush. It was my time to shine. I could take the orders, run the register, make drinks and dole out the food better than any two people there. This may be the reason I was "lucky" enough to set my own schedule and only work the drivethrough. It may also be the reason my manager begged me not to leave when I told her I was quitting. Sadly, the extra quarter an hour she offered didn't sway my decision. Back to the point... again. I absolutely HATED every non-rush minute spent there. Clean the trays, sweep the lot, take out the trash... the mundane, banal and trite chores. All things that needed to be done, but I suppose it's the feeling that anyone could be doing it.

I feel the same way today, at the hospital. Once something is routine, it's like I get a superiority complex. It's not really conscious, but I feel like "You could be paying someone minimum wage to do what I'm doing, let me do something that only I can figure out"! I don't want to configure printers. I don't want to reboot a server. I don't want to install that piece of hardware. I want to sit on my butt until a problem arises that NOBODY else can solve, then I want to be the hero. It's entirely possible that many people feel this way. Not everyone, I know, because I see those people that are content doing things a trained monkey could do, but perhaps my feelings are more common than I'd like to think.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go reboot the Quantitative Sentinal Perinatal Monitoring server because the pc techs can't figure out why a single workstation won't connect... boring, and unsolved.

Posting from the future

2007-06-21T03:11:00.000+13:00

I can't wait any longer. I kept hoping one of my four readers would be observant enough to notice that I am indeed posting from the future, or at least care enough to point it out. Sadly, apparently nobody has either observed or cared.

Until recently I was completely convinced that time travel was not possible, despite what William Cooper said. However, Ronald Mallett made me realize I had been thinking about it all wrong. A time machine such as depicted in many books and movies, similar to a converted Delorian or some other time-traversing vehicle is probably completely impossible. However, a static machine that can communicate or interact only with itself is much more plausible. As Mallett points out, time "travel" will only be possible from the point of the machines completion forward, or from the future back to the time of the machines activation. I could go on and on about it, because it's extremely interesting to me, but I would only be repeating what I've read and seen in articles and videos about Mallett. Here is the video that got me interested (There may be a rather long commercial before you get to the actual video).

Of course, I didn't use Mallett's machine to post my blog. Since our timezones are boring; Central, Mountain, Pacific... when creating this blog I chose the Petropavlovsk-Kamchatskiy timezone. It's much cooler.

The Men Who Don't Fit In

2007-06-20T07:51:00.000+13:00

by Robert W. Service

There's a race of men that don't fit in,
A race that can't stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain's crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don't know how to rest.

If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they're always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: "Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!"
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.

And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that's dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.

He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life's been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He's a rolling stone, and it's bred in the bone;
He's a man who won't fit in.

I found the rest of the poem, Dad. :)

From the book "Best Tales of the Yukon"

"Gypsy Soul" or "Old Fashioned"

2007-06-19T07:32:00.000+13:00

They are the ones that are always motivated. They work in a sawmill for 30 years. They drive the same delivery truck their whole life. They retire from a small office where they ran the same reports every month, replaced toner cartridges every week and drank coffee from the same cup every day, throughout their entire career.

I am not one of them.

There have been many times in my life that I thought perhaps I was born in the wrong century. Perhaps I listened to the Marshall Tucker Band too much growing up or maybe it's hereditary... Either way, often times I feel I would have been better suited being a cowboy on the open range or perhaps some sort of traveling tradesman, roaming between frontier towns fixing and developing new machines and systems to make life easier on people.

It's not just my gypsy soul that makes me think this. I'm very old-fashioned. It's seems more and more every day I become less and less tolerant of the way society is going. I would love to have experienced a time when men were men and ladies were ladies. A time when your daughter or niece had a decent chance of growing up properly. Sure there were things to worry about back then, and perhaps I'm basing this all on a distorted view from Hollywood, but some part of me feels it MUST have been easier to raise a child correctly without the internet, cell phones, television and radio. The world is a sick place. There have always been sick people. It just seems that it's easier for them to recruit these days...

Then there's the fact that I love seeing ladies wearing bonnets. Strange, I know, but yet another reason I think I was born 150 years too late.

Entropy, apathy, lethargy...

2007-06-14T09:47:00.000+13:00

...perhaps even all three.

I've never performed the same role for more than 2 years. Ever. In a few weeks I will have been in this position for 24 months.

Entropy is a very cool word. My preferred definition is this one: "The tendency for all matter and energy in the universe to evolve toward a state of inert uniformity." The definition of inert is "having no inherent power of action, motion, or resistance". Powerless, motionless, resistance...less. Definitely. I'd like to blame some universal theory of degradation, but I'm sure my problem is one of the more common words.

Apathy? I'm not really interested in writing this section.

Lethargy? I don't have the energy to summarize this possibility.

How do they do it?

"Hi, how are you?"

2007-06-13T02:33:00.000+13:00

I'm fine.

"I'll take your order whenever you're ready."

Ok, I'd like 3 tacos and THE LAST 2 MINUTES OF MY LIFE BACK!

My first job was at Taco Bell. I worked the drive-through almost exclusively. I didn't go to Drive-through Etiquette Training, but common sense tells you there are only a couple options when greeting someone who pulls up to the speaker. Either you can take their order or you can't. This is not a place for niceties and idle conversation. People are cattle and it's your responsibility to guide them. When I'm the Holstein in line, I want to be guided. I don't want to guess. I want to hear "Welcome to Taco Bell, I'll take your order as soon as your ready" or "Welcome to Taco Bell, I'll be with you in just a minute". That's it. Those are the only two options. Some variants are allowed, but if you're a complete idiot, please just stick to the script. I've finally given up on training the losers at the Taco Bell in Republic. Without fail, "Hi, how are you?". I think there is actually a manager there who tells them to say this. The first 5 times I played the game. I'd respond to their question, then wait for them to get the point. They've finally broken me though. "Hi, how are you?". "I'll have 3 tacos". This seems to please them, even though it makes absolutely no sense. I'm still not sure what the proper protocol is. Perhaps if I responded "Fine, how are you?" they'd proceed with "I'm good, I'll take your order". But the fact is, I don't want to go down that road. I know what will happen. Eventually we'll be exchanging recipes for bunt cake and asking how cousin Ralph is doing since the surgery. It's a slippery slope, being nice at the drive through.

My coffee tastes like scotch

2007-06-12T08:43:00.000+13:00

The only thing more confusing than how my "Chocolate covered banana latte over ice" could taste like straight scotch is why I keep drinking it... If you've never tasted straight scotch, you are wise. If you want to know what it tastes like without buying a bottle, get a mouth full of kerosene, light it on fire, then swallow. "It's delicious" is, of course, how I responded when the coffee shop lady asked me how it tasted. Perhaps it's because I don't like confrontation or perhaps it's because my expectations were already compromised because I knew which girl was making it. Either way, I continue to drink it. Probably because I didn't get to work until 1:00 PM (It was the universe's fault, I swear) and at ten till three in the afternoon it still seems like 8AM and I feel I desperately need the caffeine.

So back to blaming the great unknown for me being dramatically late for work... (excuse me a second, I just took a drink of my coffee and now I have to catch my breath) ...I always have my radio-alarm-clock set for 6:00 AM. It turns on the radio and I normally lay in bed a while and listen to Big D and Bubba (They're absolutely hilarious). My phone then has an alarm set for 6:30 and I leave it across the room so I'm sure to get up. On top of that, I normally always wake up around 7:30 even with no alarms. Well today when I woke up at 12:30, holy crap, the first thing I looked for was the indicator that my alarm was set. It was. I then jumped up and grabbed my cell. It was completely OFF. I thought "Crap, I didn't plug it in and the battery is dead". Wrong. I turned it on and the battery was full. So the only plausible answer is that some great force wanted me to sleep past noon.

Oh man, this coffee tastes terrible.

I must clear something up...

2007-06-09T08:16:00.000+13:00

A friend of mine was viewing my blog and asked me if I watch Red vs. Blue. I said I had, but I don't. Apparently in the last season the characters encounter an alien whose vocabulary consists of just two words... Honk and Blarg. I swear I didn't know. This is not a a Halo reference. I have the Halo 3 beta, but I probably won't buy the retail. The first Halo game was awesome. I played the crap out of it. A brilliant thing about Halo is Halo itself (The ring-shaped space station). NASA's current plan to travel to Mars includes a ship that separates in two pieces but is tethered together by what I assume is a rather strong cable. Once extended, the two pieces begin to rotate. This simulates gravity in the main compartment where the astronauts will spend the 6 months it takes to travel to Mars. This reduces many of the terrible effects weightlessness has on the human body; bone density loss, muscle atrophy, etc... Unfortunately, NASA isn't yet setting their sights on Mars. They do have a plan to return to the moon by 2020. As my sister and I discussed last night, how difficult can that be? We (allegedly) went there in the 60's. Come on! THE 60'S! NASA should be able to plan a weekend trip to the moon over a few drinks. After 50 years it's not really rocket science! Well, it is, but it should be old-hat rocket science. We need to go to Mars!

So in short, David, I don't watch Red vs. Blue.

Blarg

2007-06-08T07:56:00.000+13:00

Of course, the word "blarg" isn't really a word, but I like it. It suggests disgust. It's a perfect word to describe a blog, another disgusting fictitious word. I hate the word blog. They say it's an abbreviation for "Web log". I can't think of a single precedent for combining the end of one word with the beginning of the next to form a new word (although I'm sure anyone that reads this will scour the intraweb to find such a word just to prove me wrong!). Plus, you're only cutting off two letters... one measly syllable... are we really that lazy? Web log. Besides, nobody uses the word "log" to describe something they write. In the IT field I use the word log fairly often, but never to describe something a person does. Systems log things. People write, comment, draft, compose, jot, note, record, author, scribe and scribble. They do these things in journals, books, diaries, letters, memoirs and post cards. What are we, captains on a ship? If we were, I'd be Captain Jean Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Captains log, star date 06072007.5. Today I blogged for the first time in probably 3 years. It's the 24th century and I still hate that word. Upon reflection, it's even more disgusting when used in past tense. We are currently on course to the so called Bloggosphere where I plan to have Lieutenant Worf fire as many photon torpedoes as this wondrous craft can muster. Perhaps that will put an end to Ensign Crushers endless ramblings and he can get back to work thinking about odd ways to get us out of our next major predicament which will likely be caused by his crazed mother.

What was I talking about? No matter, SET PHASERS TO STUN!